Is your relationship with your husband or wife not quite what it used to be? Here are some possible problem areas and a few solutions courtesy of Tricia Cunningham from the National Institute of Marriage.
1) You Blame Your Spouse Often
If you find yourself blaming your spouse or being blamed by your spouse for everything from not being able to find car keys, to why your child scored a low grade on his or her report card, this is detrimental to a healthy marriage.
Solution: Remove blame from the discussion. Just stop the blame game, period. Instead, take personal responsibility for your part in the situation, and let your spouse take responsibility for his or her part without you pointing out what his or her part is.
2) You Assume the Worst
You've stopped giving each other the benefit of the doubt. In the early days of a marriage, spouses assume only the best motives for the other's actions. For example, the husband sleeps later than normal on a Saturday morning early in their marriage, the wife thinks, "He must have had a really hard week. I'm glad he gets a chance to sleep in." Now she thinks he’s being lazy and only cares about himself.
Solution: The next time your mate does something that you find irritating, try giving the benefit of the doubt. Cut each other some slack as often as possible. Remember the golden rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
3) You've Stopped Touching
If it's been a long time since you and your spouse have held hands together, cuddled on the couch, just reaching out to touch each other, you're relationship needs a booster shot. John Gottman says that when a couple's relationship has grown cold, they stop pinching, giggling over private jokes, and complimenting each other.
Solution: Look for times to reach out and touch your mate. Hold hands and kiss, even if you don't think it'll make a difference. You'll be surprised at the difference it makes. And try the 10 second kiss. Research shows that a ten second kiss can really add some "warmth" to a relationship that is cooling off.
4) You've stopped spending quality time together as a couple
If you still want to spend time together as a couple, but life has become so busy lately that it's gotten difficult, it could lead to trouble and needs immediate attention.
Solution: Plan a night or weekend together a.s.a.p. Plan to have fun together, doing something you know both of you will enjoy, and be intentional about re-creating good feelings towards one another. As you do this, you will begin to look forward to time together again. And as often as you can, flirt!
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Loving your days as a Mom
Organize to Thrive as a Mom at Home
Whitney Hopler
The following is a report on the practical applications of Cindy Sigler Dagnan's book, Who Got Peanut Butter on My Daily Planner?: Organizing and Loving Your Days as a Mom, (Harvest House, 2006).
As a mom, you want to give your best to your kids – but you don’t want to lose yourself in the process. Staying home with your kids doesn’t have to be an ordeal to endure; it can be an adventure to love if you organize your life wisely.
Here’s some helpful tips:
Recognize the importance of your job. Know that your efforts as a mom are vitally important to your kids and will shape their lives in crucial ways.
Aim to be productive. You can actually accomplish a lot beyond parenting while you’re home with your kids. Work toward other goals such as learning a new skill, exercising, reading, and doing volunteer service projects.
Get out of the house regularly. Give yourself the gift of a change of scenery as often as you can. Take the kids to a library, park, museum or other place to give both them and yourself relief from cabin fever.
Establish and maintain friendships. Get together with other women frequently to support and encourage each other.
Cultivate a sense of humor. Try to laugh frequently. Whenever you confront stressful situations, look for the humor in them to help you relax.
Pray often. Talk with God regularly about your thoughts and feelings. Make a prayer a habit to model faith in action to your kids.
Put situations in perspective. Ask God to give you His perspective on all you’re facing so you’re not stressed unnecessarily.
Plan well. Understand that if you don’t plan your days, circumstances will end up planning them for you. Every night, draw up an action plan for the next day, spending your time and energy doing what most helps you fulfill God’s purposes for your life.
Use time well. Turn downtime (such as time spent waiting in lines or in traffic) into productive time by writing notes or reading whenever pockets of time open up for you. Exercise regularly and get eight hours of sleep each night to boost your energy. Do your shopping at odd hours to avoid crowds. Don’t hesitate to say "no" to people who ask you to do something you can’t do your best on right now. Remind yourself of your blessings often, thank God for them, and continue to rely on God’s strength to help you with whatever you need.
Whitney Hopler
The following is a report on the practical applications of Cindy Sigler Dagnan's book, Who Got Peanut Butter on My Daily Planner?: Organizing and Loving Your Days as a Mom, (Harvest House, 2006).
As a mom, you want to give your best to your kids – but you don’t want to lose yourself in the process. Staying home with your kids doesn’t have to be an ordeal to endure; it can be an adventure to love if you organize your life wisely.
Here’s some helpful tips:
Recognize the importance of your job. Know that your efforts as a mom are vitally important to your kids and will shape their lives in crucial ways.
Aim to be productive. You can actually accomplish a lot beyond parenting while you’re home with your kids. Work toward other goals such as learning a new skill, exercising, reading, and doing volunteer service projects.
Get out of the house regularly. Give yourself the gift of a change of scenery as often as you can. Take the kids to a library, park, museum or other place to give both them and yourself relief from cabin fever.
Establish and maintain friendships. Get together with other women frequently to support and encourage each other.
Cultivate a sense of humor. Try to laugh frequently. Whenever you confront stressful situations, look for the humor in them to help you relax.
Pray often. Talk with God regularly about your thoughts and feelings. Make a prayer a habit to model faith in action to your kids.
Put situations in perspective. Ask God to give you His perspective on all you’re facing so you’re not stressed unnecessarily.
Plan well. Understand that if you don’t plan your days, circumstances will end up planning them for you. Every night, draw up an action plan for the next day, spending your time and energy doing what most helps you fulfill God’s purposes for your life.
Use time well. Turn downtime (such as time spent waiting in lines or in traffic) into productive time by writing notes or reading whenever pockets of time open up for you. Exercise regularly and get eight hours of sleep each night to boost your energy. Do your shopping at odd hours to avoid crowds. Don’t hesitate to say "no" to people who ask you to do something you can’t do your best on right now. Remind yourself of your blessings often, thank God for them, and continue to rely on God’s strength to help you with whatever you need.
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